“Want some gum, bro?” The grey-haired priest looked out over the crowd, watching the sizeable audience chuckle heartily. He continued, “Yes, yes, that question about delicious chewing foodstuffs was the first word bunch that united the two individuals you see before you, here at Monumental Sacrifice Church. And now, two years later, we have gathered to watch them become one, at a wedding I am hosting, as priest! Make it happen, everyone!”
The crowd cheered raucously. As the jeers and woo’s died down, Landowner smiled meekly, staring at his soon-to-be-wife-bride, Zanzibar, and held her hands tightly. She grinned back, her heart booming with the love of the day. Brightness shined from their white-toothed grins across the room!
Zanzibar faced the crowd, her lovely dress trailing off behind her. “Yes everyone here, my offer of gum to this bro brought the two of us together so many years ago. From the moment I saw this man,” she gestured to Landowner, “I knew I wanted to fill his mouth with chewsome gum, and to be a part of his life in a marriage kind of way.” Many a cackle and elbow were exchanged amongst the onlookers. Even priest found time to laugh in front of God!
Landowner blushed the color of red paint and addressed the crowd, sweating like an ice cube! “Hay yes, we very met and loved from gum!” The crowd burst into giggles; he was really nervous! He continued like a maniac! “Oh my! Well, as mucho of you know…we really were getting along so much back in university, and it was a storybook romance with only a couple…” he glanced at Zanzibar knowingly, “…hiccups…” A hiccup echoed across the room; Landowner couldn’t believe the timing! He had a single hiccup! Right when he said it!
Zanzibar picked up the story, speaking towards the crowd. “It was the year two thousand and four; a finicky gum-chewer named Gorge Brush was president, downloading the hot new music album was the ‘it’ thing, the cell phone was about to be invented, and I had just finished up another exam in the hardest year of university college school I’d ever been through! My hand held some fruit jumjum gum, and I stuffed a piece or two in my flapjack hole. It was then,” she motioned to Landowner, “I saw Landowner… And gum, I truly offered! Well, as we all know about Landowner – he said no! We haven’t agreed on anything since!” The crowd got a grand goof and laughsies over that one. It was true, Landowner and Zanzibar disagreed on nearly everything! How surprising!
The priest cut in, “How surprising!” He fiddled with his glasses.